It's more than 7 months into the year and I can't help feeling like a failure....again..Don't get me wrong, I've done a whole lotta ish that I've wanted to do for a while but that given, I was still not able to put together a banging short story for a competition I've wanted to enter for the past 3 years. Should I be banging my head against the wall for not, yet again, being able to meet this deadline? Damn straight! I freakin lack focus.
I spent way too much of my time putting my energies on bullshit! Even tho I'm over the fucken bullshit, it keeps haunting me.....Now I'm fucken paying for it! Over and over and over again...Will I try to bang together something HOT over the coming weekend? Probably, but it'll be crap I'm not proud of....What if I can't let this one go...again? What if this feeling of failure will haunt me forever and ever..? What if I never get the chance to enter again? What if I can never ever forgive myself for that fucken wasted energy I can never get back? WHAT IF I can't fucken let go?
TICK FUCKEN TOCK...I can hear the damn clock ticking away...And I can't stop it!
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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2 comments:
keep bangin' your head - music to my ears...
kiddin' but still, what if nothing happened? you're gonna feel more of a failure...
know the feeling though, as i'm writing this i've got things which are imminent before the end of the day, but i can't bring myself to doing them...
i know i know, being a sloth is a sin, hell i feel like i'm in hell already...
I hate short stories. I also spend my life trying to get a short story in to competitions. Why does all the prize money go towards that medium!! I recently rather decided to give up on just coming up with a story. I do think that stories come to/ find the writer. You just gotta wait.
So rather than being hard on yourself, look at ways to be creative where you are inspired enough that it happens without much effort. I am contemplating this idea - that if it takes TOO MUCH effort and having to force yourself, then it's not for you. Hmmm. No idea.
Good luck to you too!
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