One of those days....

I am a bad blogger, yes! I only seem to use this space when I am in trouble. I guess I've found my shrink.

Anyway, I have a problem with merging/synchronising mind and heart. Have you ever said or done something you were so sure was good for you (and all involved), only to realise, soon after, that your heart was not really in agreement with your actions in the first place? How much do you have to think things through before you take action? Why is it that what seems right to me at a certain point, turns out not to be so right after all?

I guess it's a hit and miss situation. In your head, it seems perfectly right, but in reality, it is not! Then there are those times, when it is right in your head and in practice. Perhaps it is denial or what we perceive to be the safe manner in which to deal with things. Or maybe it is the process of dealing with shit you don't know how to deal with or dealing with them too soon or....

Embarassment! I find this emotion particularly difficult to deal with.... FUCK! It makes me feel so stupid. So crazy! Like no matter how hard I try, I'm just not growing up! Put your foot in it..blush blush....develop amnesia...delete delete....Or pretend it never happened, pretend you are so over it! Or crawl underneath something, and stay there until the feeling goes away. Come up for air, check the coast, if all hasn't cleared, go back into hiding. Or just grin, and bear it! Life goes on?

On some days I feel like a foolish and incoherent, social misfit who is better off living like a hermit. This is one of those days!