Friendship....

...can be extremely tiring and confusing.

This weekend got me thinking about this ish. What the fuck is friendship and what does it entail? I looked at my so-called friends, and found that I had 4 types!

1. Good time friends
I have friends who know how to have a good time aka "Good Time Friends". I see them during the weekend, when times are good, and the money's in the bank and the party's on and that's where it ends really (and we like it that way)!

2. Parasitical Friends
I have friends whose shit I listen to every fucken day. Friends who take up my time complaining about their fucken priviledged existences. Friends who hardly ever ask how I'm doing and when they do, it's just to be polite! Very often, I feel like screaming "SHUT THE FUCK UP, I GOT BETTER SHIT TO DO", mid conversation. But I don't. I sit my ass down and listen and hope that one day it will be okay and that the topic of conversation will change. I now think that day is never coming.

3. Fake Friends
I have friends who pretend to listen, but never remember a gahd dang thing about me. Friends I love dearly but I could never ever count on! Friends who I would never call if shit went down and I needed help ASAP! It ain't cos I'm judging, but cos I've tried it before. Friends who are too self-involved to have my back. Friends who will only be there when there's nowhere else to be. Friends who will never tell me what's going on in their lives, no matter how much I ask. Friends that make me question why the fuck I love them so dearly.

4. "My Heart"
I have friends who listen to my shit, give me sound advice about men, sex, work, money, depression, outfits, errthang. Friends who comfort me when I'm down, share my sense of humour, forgive me (eventually) when I've fucked up or fucked them over majorly! Friends who will never forget my birthday, what food I eat, or don't eat...Friends who will remember to send me a good luck sms on the morning of my interview and remember to ask how it was later that day! Friends who never ditch me and if they do, they give me enough prior notice! Friends who have my mama's number on speed dial. Friends who tell me the truth even though I don't want to hear it. Friends who will buy me Nando's when I'm ass broke and still take me out to dinner even if I got paid! Friends who and still party with like crazy!

I guess I AM bitching but there comes a time when you have to start calling a spade a spade in case you get mad confused. Growing up ain't easy and what makes it difficult is naivete and pleading oblivion. I don't blame you for being a bad friend or a non-friend. I blame myself for letting you do it!

And so at the end of this weekend I decided to get out of that mode and start using my energy, wisely!