"The Ground Beneath Her Feet"

For Lulu, who inspired this Lulu Nation and much more.......

A passage from "The Ground Beneath Her Feet" by Salman Rushdie

"For a long while I have believed … that in every generation there are a few souls, call them lucky or cursed, who are simply born not belonging, who come into the world semi-detached, if you like, without strong affiliation to family or location or nation or race; that there may even be millions, billions of such souls, as many non-belongers as belongers, perhaps; that, in sum, the phenomenon may be as “natural” a manifestation of human nature as its opposite, but one that been mostly frustrated, throughout human history, by lack of opportunity.

And not only by that: for those who value stability, who fear transience, uncertainty, change, have erected a powerful system of stigmas and taboos against rootlessness, that disruptive, anti-social force, so that we mostly conform, we pretend to be motivated by loyalties and solidarities we do not really feel, we hide our secret identities beneath the false skins of those identities which bear the belongers seal of approval. But the truth leaks out in our dreams; alone in our beds (because we are all alone at night, even if we do not sleep by ourselves), we soar, we fly, we flee. And in the waking dreams our societies permit, in our myths, our arts, our songs, we celebrate the non-belongers, the different ones, the outlaws, the freaks. What we forbid ourselves we pay good money to watch, in a play-house or movie theatre, or to read about between the secret covers of a book. Our libraries, our places of entertainment tell the truth. The tramp, the assassin, the rebel, the thief, the mutant, the outcast, the delinquent, the devil, the sinner, the traveler, the gangster, the runner, the mask: if we did not recognize in them our least-fulfilled needs, we would not invent them over and over again, in every place, in every language, in every time.

No sooner did we have ships than we rushed to sea, sailing across oceans in paper boats. No sooner did we have cars than we hit the road. No sooner did we have airplanes then we zoomed to the furthers corners of the globe. Now we year for the moon’s dark side, the rocky plains of Mars, the rings of Saturn, the interstellar deeps. We send mechanical photographers into orbit, or on one-way journeys to the stars, and we weep at the wonders they transmit; we are humbled by the mighty images of far-off galaxies standing like cloud pillars in the sky, and we give names to alien rocks, as if they were our pets. We hunger for warp space, for the outlying rim of time. And this is the species that kids itself it likes to stay at home, to bind itself with...what are they called again?...ties."

I've had a lot of fun watching these:

1. I can't do without a daily dose of Recess
2. Big Brother Africa has just become completely too embarassing to even watch on my own
3. BBC Prime has some of the dopest doccies I've ever seen on TV
4. SABC 1 will surprise you: I caught Bus 174 and Do The Right Thing (again)
5. I'm strangely addicted to Zone 14
6. Entourage is the shiznit
7. Sex and The City (BOX SET) ---- ENCORE ENCORE
8. America's Next Supermodel - VIVA TYRA, VIVA SISTERHOOD
9. Crime and Investigation to be avoided at all cost - it will make you paranoid, gloomy and could even cause nightmares or even worse, make you lose faith in humanity! SHEESH! BUT VERY ADDICTIVE
10. Tarantino's newest release "DEATH PROOF" - I haven't had such a mindblowing group movie experience in a long long time! FOK!
11. Muvhango - why do the scenes always seem like there are about 30 seconds a bit tooo long. I still watch, tho!

Spring has come my way!

"I haven't been this happy and content in about 3 years" I just said it, without thinking. Just after I did, I was like "my my my, that is sooo true" SO, I'm happy! Despite my constant battle with my demons and mornings when I can't wake up to go to work simply because I just do not have the energy to face this shit. Despite my Joburg angst, that eats away at me every day...and this habit of doing the same thing over and over again at the same places with the same people. Despite the fact that I have no freakin clue where i'm working or living next year.

I'm freakin over the moon. A major contributing factor was the miraculous realisation that I'd been falling for "men" who had very little self esteem. I remembered that I like that I'm taller than most women you know and that I like my overzealous behaviour. And my inability to keep my feelings to myself. And my particularly large feet. And my choice of clothes. And my dislike for particularly childish, oblivious behaviour.

I guess I've been terribly cruel to myself. I guess I stopped a long time ago looking at me through my eyes. As silly as it sounds, if feels like i've been living in a huge, thick grey cloud and spring has just decided to come my way.

FUUUUUUCK!!!! What a waste of time....but we learn and grow...and buy freakum dresses..and look fab and remember the teachings of Sex and the City and realise that we live in one of the greatest cities in the world..with some of the gutsiest individuals in our history...and that life ..ooh this life...has sooo much to give...and that whenever we like...we can take a break from it all and go somewhere far far away...but not to run away...cos we might just not come back...or see just how good this is!

Back to Blog

I had a crazy weekend and bumped into many delightful peeps and beloveds. I love this city!

I finally got to meet my cyberfriend Phantom and it was freaky how it felt like we'd been hanging forever. I guess we have. But it's strange to meet someone you already kinda know, for the first time, in person. Have you eliminated the need or importance of the physical? Cyberfreaky...!

I saw my nephew and I always almost lose my breathe every time I see him. It's frikkin amazing how beautiful and innocent and peaceful he is. He's my inspiration.

I am having a good time. A time of clarity. A time of plans. A time of absolute waving of both middle fingers in the air.to every cynical, pessimistic, frontin' mofo in the world.

I thought of something about myself and people I have been observing.

"A superiority complex might just be a not-so brilliant way of masking an inferiority complex"

That kinda makes things clear for now...

This week...

...I became an aunt to a teeny weeny leedle baby boy (I have no words)


...I let go a bit too much, a bit too quickly, a bit too spontaneously....( I still have no words ;-))


....Moses Taiwa Molelekwa came back into my life in the form of "Genes and Spirits" (I cried tears...in the office....oy vey)


....I finally put "it" behind me, for good, and it felt right, brought me much needed peace...Thank the Lawd for clarity!


...I found out, for sure, that I am a monkey, a metal one apparently...(Thanks V!)


Aaah....this life.....

!

I can't escape this life that I'm livin'...I'm in a mix I'm in love with 1, 2, 3, 4....SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(*HIDES*)

TICK FUCKEN TOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's more than 7 months into the year and I can't help feeling like a failure....again..Don't get me wrong, I've done a whole lotta ish that I've wanted to do for a while but that given, I was still not able to put together a banging short story for a competition I've wanted to enter for the past 3 years. Should I be banging my head against the wall for not, yet again, being able to meet this deadline? Damn straight! I freakin lack focus.

I spent way too much of my time putting my energies on bullshit! Even tho I'm over the fucken bullshit, it keeps haunting me.....Now I'm fucken paying for it! Over and over and over again...Will I try to bang together something HOT over the coming weekend? Probably, but it'll be crap I'm not proud of....What if I can't let this one go...again? What if this feeling of failure will haunt me forever and ever..? What if I never get the chance to enter again? What if I can never ever forgive myself for that fucken wasted energy I can never get back? WHAT IF I can't fucken let go?

TICK FUCKEN TOCK...I can hear the damn clock ticking away...And I can't stop it!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've run outta things to say.....

I've been so caught up with work, day and night, that I didn't quite realise that I was FINALLY FEELING GREAT after a long, torturous, terrible terrible spell!

And so I wanted to stop by and say, just so I don't forget, that today I woke up to the realisation that I've got my mojo back!

I hate and love, just as much, the way ups become downs and ups again....and downs...and so on! But I can never quite get used to it!

Welcome back, dear mojo, I've missed you...I hope you stay a little bit longer this time!

Now back to work....it is, after all, the year "2000 and Sebenza"

HOlla Black!

Living in the music...

I love music...I can't function without it. I don't know where it comes from, but i always have. Perhaps it was my mom's obsession with it...she had it all....with particular bias towards Ms. Flack (aaaah....) or my grandmother's singing, all the time, everywhere, she'd even sing instructions to us...she was always singing....or my late aunt's Brenda Fassie craze...boy did we hear enough of Mabrr...or my youngest aunt's obsession with everything soul!!!! aaah....Sunday mornings.....or my cousins messing with making beats on the computer all the time every day....or my other cousin and his turntables taking Pheli by storm or perhaps my brother's taste in music....wide, varied....great, amazing!

I breathe it ....it oozes through my pores...there's a song for every day, every feeling and I still haven't heard a fraction of all the good music of the world. It irks me to no end....

And so I found a mix cd a good friend made for me the other day which inspired me to go on a crusade to ask people to share what they like with me. A sweet workmate's just given me some suhweet tunes! (noooise)! My bro has promised a banging selection (you rock)! And the buzz has promised me some too (she's got great taste)!!!! And I'm dedicating the whole of Sunday to searching for old classics at the music shop!!! I shall soon have enough to go underground with and hibernate!!!

In my solitude...

I got home last night with no intention of lying on the couch and watching TV...again. So I took my jacket and decided to walk to the coffee shop at the mall for some alone time before a possible movie date with malaveeng, and perhaps a second chance at saying hello to lone sexy cappucino drinking, book wielding, cigarette smoking dude! It was fokken freezing, so you can imagine just how much I wanted to leave the couch and tv situation. I took my book and a notepad, not quite sure how long i'd survive chilling there on my own. I got a seat at "our" table and started reading and reading and thinking and thinking...the world around me dissappeared and I sat there thinking, wow, this is so cool!

Me myself and I getting by, just fine! For the first time, in a long time, I felt just fine being on my own. I ended up coming up with a brilliant idea for the film that's mos def taking us to the next level. I ended up thinking about myself and what it is I want in life. What kind of people I want around me. And what it is I want to do with this life! You gotta love the cheeze!

And so Malaveeng arrived, beeming as usual, and we go watch this movie that she apparantly heard amazing things about. "The Breach" WTF? The cinema at the pensioner's mall is empty! So we start watching this movie and it's really not going anywhere...so we start chatting, because we can....and soon after decide to take our catch up session to a more social space! Viva Gin and Tonic....nice one!

I guess my point's that it's nice to be alone, at times, and comfortable with it but it also feels great to have people to be with! I love mapeeplez!

NOTE TO SUCKER PUNCH: You know i love you and everything, but please bring back my laptop...You are standing in the way of great things! Mnxim!